A Diminutive Existence

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User: sereni
A Diminutive Existence

There was something terribly wrong even the doctor didn't have the answers.Once the lab knew what was happening what could be done about it and what caused it?


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Important Post
sereni

Thanks for reading the beginning I hope the second part is more detailed. Serena

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marywalz

awesome beginning. I agree with the other in that you could use more description, but the concept itself has me fascinated...

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sereni

Thanks for reading I will be adding more soon.Love that shiny star!Serena

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felixthecat

I tend to agree. I write quickly, and then after a page or a scene, I go back and start revising, and revising, and then more, until I think it can stand. Just my particular way.

Dialogue. We don't always need movement or blocks of narrative in between, as long as the reader KNOWS where the speakers are in the scene. What we DO absolutely need, though, is scene-in-motion. The reader should never read staccato-ish narrative... Show more

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da.classics

Good read. I only read the first chapter but I liked it (trying to read atleast some of all my friends books).

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sereni

Thanks for finding my weak points . I have work to do. Serena

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sereni

Thanks for reading my story. I have more writing to do and not enough time to do it. You are so kind. Serena

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cauldar

When I do my first draft I always leave things out, not on purpose, it's just the way I write - in a hurry.
When I re-write (not edit) I add things, alter others. I did notice that in your dialogue, you didn't give your characters "enough time to move around".
An ultra-schall scan is done with the patient lying down, and the jelly that's spread with the scannner is anything but warm, if it was warm it would pour off the... Show more

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