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bookrix.com Administrator Total: 1.500 forum posts Posted: May 20th 2010 at 06:39:23 AM (EST) Changed: May 25th 2010 at 02:01:35 AM (EST) What the jurors had to say: Mrs. Ayelet Golz: Here's my voting for the BoW VIII - With such varied stories chosen by the readers, this competition made for some good reading. My votes are as follows... 1st place: "A Bench in the Park" Briandoswell This book was a beautifully woven collection of memories by an old man just past the autumn of his life. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. 2nd place: "Misfit" Rebekahjennings This was quite an original piece with the feelings shown (not told :-) through the thoughts of the teen. The poem within the story was a nice touch and entertaining. I noticed some comma misuse, punctuation errors and run-on sentences so I would recommend some work with that part of the writing. However, those errors are not major. 3rd place: "Alien Trenches" by Lshilo This work was a fascinating urban legend about Vancouver and Victoria Island. Perhaps someday the author will report back to us on his discoveries. I also noticed some comma errors in this work, but nothing that distracts too much from the work. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Mrs. Anita Prasad: My Votes: 1.A Bench in the Park by Brian Doswell Mr. Doswell has done a fantastic job by writing a compelling story, the pace and storyline of which are perfectly tied together. A brilliant portrayal of emotions of an old man and the unexpected ending makes this story impressive. This story is written with grace and compassion. Well Done! 2.Misfit by Rebekah Jennings A good entertaining story with all the characters and the setting fitted perfectly. 3. Alien Trenches by Lee E. Shilo ---------------------------------------------------------------- Mr. Scott Allen: First place - A Bench in the Park  What a great opening, and what a great ending! I won't spoil it for anyone who hasn't read it yet, but it was very touching. I love the use of present tense, and the voice felt very authentic -- a glimpse inside the mind of an 85-year-old man. Beautiful story, beautifully executed.   Second place - Misfit  I loved this story. It was "just gritty enough". It's realistic, but also encouraging that the protagonist didn't have to experience an overdose or rape to hit rock bottom for her and decide that it's time for a change.  There are a few grammatical and punctuation errors throughout. Stylistically, I thought the voice was very natural and believable, with one exception:  use the slang names of the drugs. Only people who don't use it call it "marijuana"! :-) Try pot, grass, etc. There might be other opportunities throughout to use more street slang -- it would make the voice more authentic and believable. Third place - Alien Trenches  Fascinating topic - I learned a lot. It felt, though, like two different pieces. I understand how the first part sets up the second, but the balance was perhaps too balanced. If the focus is on Victoria, shorten the first part. If the focus is on the UK story, shorten the second part -- make it more of an epilogue. Stylistically, I definitely felt engaged. There were a few grammatical errors, but what I found more distracting was that some of the literary devices felt "forced". It seems like you're stretching to find different words for the concept. For example, there are several different words or phrases used within the first page as synonyms for “secret” or “mysterious." If you have to use that many synonyms within that short of a space, you should probably edit a few of them out entirely. Comment   BookRix: Web your book, connect and network

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