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The Change

By:
User: Beast
The Change
This will be the first book on this site that I will be writting so please go easy on me if anyone reads and comments on it. Right now I'm just planning it out in my head. I am also really bad at naming this so if you think of a cool name for the book or one of the charactars it would be loads of help if you pm me you idea.


This book is about an orphan boy who is being used in exerperiments. The reason for this is his unusually large amount of magic energy. To give you an idea about how much magic he has I'll tell you this he is close to the magical power of some of the weaker Great Sages, and he is just a 15 year old boy. Now the Great Sages are given that name good or evil for the shere power they posses. Now the experiment that they are preforming on him is the most criminal know to man kind. They are trying to seal a dragon inside him. This is considerd criminal bwcause every time it has been atempted the body selfdestructed killing thousands of people.


This Book is Part of a Series "The Highbreed"
All Books in this Series:
The Change
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Posts and Comments
Important Post
Forever.Works.

Well, well, well, what do we have here? The makings of something great? Maybe, just maybe.(: I completely agree with the posts below me that tell you to continue this story line. Obviously, you already know, it does need some polishing when it comes to the grammar/spelling. I found that the paragraphs seemed a bit too long (like you could have split each one into smaller paragraphs). But besides that, great job! Keep it up... Show more

29 Comments | Show Earlier Comments
Beast

4?

Forever.Works.

Okay, first of all, why do you ask?

This comment was deleted.
Important Post
Deleted User

I think this is really cool book. You should definitely continue the story line and develop your character more.

Every amazing writer goes back and reads their own work to edit it or change some parts that might not work. So take another look at your writing and edit the typos out of it. Other than that nice job. Keep on writing.

~Jillian who likes pie.~

Important Post
Deleted User

This is a nice storyline Dude. Though I would suggest that when you're typing the rest of this story you make sure you aren't using the wrong words in your sentences. For example, instead of follow you wrote fallow, and you wrote bye instead of by. In the sentence you wrote Skye wasn't saying bye to anyone in the story. Both sound the same but obviously mean two different things. More than likely you already knew that. I just... Show more

1 Comment
Beast

thanks for your input, this is the first book that im putting up for others to read so its obvious that it will need alot of polishing.

Important Post
Beast

Oh it fills my "Heart" with joy "wink wink" i'z haz a heartz

Important Post
robbedbygreed

A Quick Review : Chapter 1

My advice : save what you've written so far on a separate document as well as send it to your e-mail every once and a while, just in case something happens and your book gets deleted on BookRix. Believe me, cause it happened to me! And boy am I glad I had a backup ;)

Nevertheless! Let us get on with the review.

Strange beginning, but it kept me going! Who is this Skye person, and where are these... Show more

1 Comment
Beast

Well about him being happy I'll reread what I wrote but I don't remember that. and if it comes off that way the better. I mean if your talking about when hes with the gaurd girl. well he hasn't seen another live human other than the scientist since... well I'll decide how long... Show more

Important Post
Forever.Works.

It's a good start.
I do have a few suggestions though. First off you have quite a few spelling/grammar errors (although I understand how that because I have a few in my stories as well). I also saw a problem were you like to just state just physically what happened i.e. we walked here, then we sat, then we...and so on. I think you should try to develop the setting a LOT more, especially in the beginning of the story. Don't... Show more

5 Comments
Beast

thank you. well this is pretty much a ruf draft so there will be spelling errors and thing like that i will add in more description and such of the surounding but in the being he is running through the forest from guards so he doesn't really have time to think

Forever.Works.

I meant more in the beginning. Mainly because I felt like I was guessing more about what his surroundings were like than anything else (if that makes sense).

Beast

In the building, between the building and the forest, or in the forest.

robbedbygreed

In every place, in every scene. I don't even know where the character(s) are. And yes, like Forever.Works said, I feel like I'm guessing a lot of the surroundings.

---RbG

Beast

hmmm mabye i'll just make the the shape and have someone else polish it. don't get me wrong im not to lasy to do it its just thats never been my strong suit. so mabye have a secondary athur to help. some of the proof is all of the mispeld words in this post :Dya ill probly get... Show more

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