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Beyond The Wall

book 1 By:
Beyond The Wall
In a perfect utopia, there are no thoughts of war, no jealousy, stealing, violence, dark colors, or sharp objects. There is perfect peace. this worlds creator is seemingly perfect too. with an exception of his family. There is a hidden disgrace amongst his unfathomable perfection.

Courtney's chocolate hair flows like seaweed as she floats eye's closed in the water until she emerges to the surface, her blue eyes sparkling again. The all too familiar wall is in front of her. The stained metal has become part of her regular sights. Although she stays mostly within the tree line it still the wall still is at the corner of her vision no matter what way she faces. This is the new world. Darks stay outside of the wall and in the forest, while the lights belong on the inside. Courtney doesn't know much anything of what's beyond the wall, but one day her curiosity might get the best of her, even if its not the best FOR her.


*This book is incomplete*

Posts and Comments
Important Post
Danielle Spider:D

AAASSSHHHLLLEEEYYY!!!!!!!!!! YOU NEED TO GET ON AND WRITE MORE!!!!!!!!!!

BEFORE MY MIND EXPLODES!!!!!!

4 Comments
Ashley Berrett

did you read the update???!!!!!!?!?!??!?

Danielle Spider:D

yes, yes I did. now you need to add some more, so that I can enjoy your lovely writing talent.

ASHLEY WHERE ARE YOU?

Ashley Berrett

haha ya sorry was it okay? i'm afraid i'm a little rusty having not written in a while?

This comment was deleted.
Important Post
bustareadnow

It was a pretty good story! There were quite a few errors in punctuation and capitalization starting with your introduction or preface and also within your story! You get those corrected and I do believe it will be much better! It was an impressive indite! :)

1 Comment
Ashley Berrett

thank you. yes i havent really focused on the punctuation and spelling errors much since right now im just trying to plaster my ideas on paper

Important Post
P. K. Gallagher

The premise is interesting, but my enthusiasm was immediately dampened by the fact that the very first paragraph has a comma splice. I know it's small, but it doesn't set a very good precedent. Beware of tense shifts, too. You alternate between past and present tense throughout the piece, and you wanna make sure to be consistent. Also beware of telling rather than showing. For example, you say she's a good climber, but I'd... Show more

2 Comments
Ashley Berrett

ya sorry it isn't as polished as you hoped I am still only 13 and learning, but thank you so much these comments are the ones that help me learn

P. K. Gallagher

No worries. Don't take my post to mean that your story was bad; I just tend to talk more about what can be fixed as opposed to what's already decent. It seems more helpful. Keep writing, and you've got the potential to be great some day soon. :3

Important Post
Deleted User

Wow, you are an amazing author! Are you going to keep writing, because this was so awesome! Please update soon! I really liked how you worded things, but there are some places where you don't capitalize correctly. I love futuristic stories, so this is awesome.
~silvereyes

2 Comments
Ashley Berrett

yes I am not finished with the book yet and I won't be finished for a while and ya I will be sure to update you when I have the rest of the chapter up.

Deleted User

Yay!

Important Post
keara

hey Ashley i was also wondering if you could read my book, Golden door, Silver key, and maybe give some feedback? only 2 or 1 people gave me feedback, and im hoping to make it better! thx!! P.S also anyone can read it, and please leave feedback!!!!!!

2 Comments
Ashley Berrett

okay when I find some free time that will be the first thing in my to do list.

keara

thanks!!!!!

Important Post
keara

Ashley, i have to say ur book is amayzing, maybe add a little more detail about what the people look like, and wethir they live outside the wall or not. also maybe the ages of them (if u did sry, i tend to read to fast then the books awesome .'D!!!) and thx the story was really creative and dreamable!!!

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