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My Name Is Ronnie

Now Just Tell Me What's Important in Life By:
My Name Is Ronnie
When I turned 7 years old My dad's best friend knocked on the door to my birthday party. I was about to blow out the candles on the cake. My wish was that dad would come home from the army. As soon as I blew out the seven candles. I heard my mom scream. Without hesitation I ran to her at the front door of our house. She was weeping and Hugging my dad's best friend tightly. "I"m SO sorry!" My dad's friend Bill kept saying. My mom looked at me when Bill left. Then I knew Papa was gone.

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It definitely has a lot of potential, it's a compelling story and I can tell that you have a great voice but it definitely needs editing, there are some parts that just don't flow correctly and often the word choice leaves something to be desired. But I think you definitely have something here. Sorry if I sound harsh, I don't mean to be. It's just my own personal view.

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