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A Man Walks Out

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A Man Walks Out

This is a short story I wrote for one of my college classes. We were given a basic plot of a man who walks out of a house, gets in a car, drives to an apartment complex, gets into an elevator, and meets a women. We had to then take that and make a fuller story.

 

This story revolves around a college student named Alec. He walks out of a hospital and needs to make his way home to his girlfriend, all while being followed by a mysterious figure.


Keywords: 
mystery, drama, short story
Posts and Comments
Important Post
felixthecat

I haven't proof-read this crit yet, but here goes :)

A Man Walks Out

Generally: It’s a good short story, constructed well, with a believable and reader-sympathetic main character. You have a very nice, easy scene description that I found drawing me into place immediately. I noted that there was nothing “forced” about it. The build up of tension, on two fronts (the stranger and Alec’s girl), was exceptionally nice. You showed... Show more

2 Comments
Danie Alan

Thank you so much! I really do struggle with commas so having you edit this really helped. And some of the things I missed made me shake my head haha It's crazy how much more a fresh set of eyes can see. Thanks again!

felixthecat

Regarding that; name me an author who doesn't have an editor, or EDITORS. From the best writers on down to the novices, fresh eyes are a must. That said, it is wise to get several opinions. If two or more people notice something, it is time to look at that something closely.

Important Post
felixthecat

A Man Walks Out

Very, very nice, Danie. Good pace and flow. Great main character, and an especially fine ending.

I can either put my editorial comments here, or send them to your message page; your choice.

I didn't see much at all in the way of things that might be deleted, mainly just unnecessary commas (the bane of all writers), or the need to insert one or two here and there throughout.

If this is for a creative writing... Show more

1 Comment
Danie Alan

Thank you so much! Commas frustrate me haha but at least that's a pretty easy edit.:) You can either put them here or message page if you'd like.

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