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The Day I was Kidnapped

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Keywords: 
scythe, kidnapped
Posts and Comments
Important Post
johncesar84

I honestly loved the book, it was very descriptive. I feel as if as i was actually there with you, standing next to you witnessing this guy and aware of his apperance.

But at the same time, you just need to break them into paragraphs. Just to give readers eyes a little rest lol but very good job.

1 Comment
hawthorneheightfan13

thanks for the feedback! I'm working on putting indents in for paragraphs and writing a sequel...i love if you read it! P.S. the sequel has paragraphs (:

Important Post
rebekahjennings

Hi hawthorneheightfan,

I read your story. I have to say for an 11yo this is really quite clever. My daughter is 10 and my son 12 and I wonder whether they have such words in their lexicon as you such as 'Multiple' and 'examined' or 'assumed' or 'expression'. It really is remarkable for your age.

Also your use of adverbs and pronouns (describing words). I'm used to seeing 11yo saying 'the lolly was very nice', where as I imagine... Show more

1 Comment
hawthorneheightfan13

Thank you for reading my story; It means a lot to me that you thought it was good. And, to answer your question, yes, i do think horror is interesting. i also like romance novels...So thanks once again!

---Hope

Important Post
bharris

I thought the start of this story had real grip, but seemed to be rushed otwards the end. The pace of a story is key. Also use paragraphs as they break the text up so it is more readable.

1 Comment
hawthorneheightfan13

Thanks for the criticism. I'll work on pace. (:

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