Now, you need to go back and edit. I had to learn my mistake after I had already started selling. Find someone who will help and do it chapter by chapter within a group...
You have several similar kind of mistakes, when in a conversation "...... ," you need the comma if the sentence does not end. Many times you put a period where a comma should be.
Some of your sentences are fragmented.
I did enjoy the theme and tone of the book.