This is a fine excerpt and would make a great first page teaser at the beginning of the novel. I really want to see you continue with your stories. It feels like you have a better handle on this than you did in Knight. Both have excellent potential though and should have more, more, more! :) RMH
Fantastically interesting and, with only a few minor touch-ups (better suggested by more grammatical experts) a really fine bit of writing.
I can see how this could easily spawn the rest of the story - both before and after this incident.
Well done. Please continue.