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Majickly Awesome

By:
User: baby.girl
Majickly Awesome
This is a short story about a family vacation. However this year, it's a totally different kind of vacation. Kerry and her best friend Beth Ann's two families are going together to a mysterious place known only as Cheyenne. But once Beth Ann brings out the whiskey, everything goes crazy.

Posts and Comments
Important Post
RebeckDawn

I like the new beginning - it gives you a better feel for the characters and sets them up - you could add even more though!!!

1 Comment
baby.girl

I do plan on it. I didn't have much time this morning. I do have some ideas playing out in my head.

Important Post
RebeckDawn

This reads like a travel book - you know, first person experiences. I think it's pretty funny, but it needs some work on the intro - good start!

3 Comments
baby.girl

Thanks, what do you think would be good?

RebeckDawn

Well, I definitely think it needs to be longer - maybe have an opening scene where all the kids are packing - then you can introduce the characters slowly and give the readers more descriptive detailing. Also, when brothers and sisters pack, there's always funny things... Show more

baby.girl

Yes, actually it is! That's a wonderful idea; thank you! To be honest this book is based upon a dream I had... Of course I stretched it out lol. That is an absolute great idea!

Important Post
Deleted User

Kind of cool but I think you should continue this part not make a second one. Your characters haven't grown yet. My recommendation to you is that you are a great writer but you need to create a conflict between your characters or just create an antagonist period. That will make your book more interesting and more worth the read. I'm not saying it has to be a long thousand paged book but you should most definitely add more to... Show more

2 Comments
baby.girl

Thanks Jillian!

Deleted User

Your welcome I'm happy to help (:

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