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Crash

By:
User: astronemo
Crash
This is a story that I wrote for my life skills class about getting into a car crash due to alcohol. Any comments would be great thanks :)

Keywords: 
Crash, alcohol, death, hospital
Posts and Comments
Important Post
Nour

:( so sad

2 Comments
This comment was deleted.
Important Post
astronemo

Okay so this might be an awkward message back...but this is 100% not true at all...
I had to write the story for school about a scenario about what could have possibly happened to me if something happened when alcohol was involved. Although drinking and driving has affected me in a few ways over my lifetime, it's nothing directly involving me, so this was kind of just off the top of my head.
I really appreciate you reading... Show more

Important Post
astronemo

I have a habit of starting sentences like that (see just did it :p) I will take that advice though and try to fix it a little! As for the moral of the story part...I wasn't really sure how to end it and because it was just for a class I didn't really care but now that people are reading it, I think I'll fix it :)

Important Post
writingmum

What a story. I was glued to it, hoping there was going to be a punchline at the end to demonstrate that this was in fact fiction and that you were just writing a story for school. Not so, is it? This is as real as it gets and it's certainly a devastating read, learning about how injured you are now and how you blame yourself for your fiend's death.

I can't offer many words of comfort, except to say it will get better...what... Show more

Important Post
robbedbygreed

Wow. This was very good.

However, I did notice a trend. Most of your sentences start with the word "I", a subject. And though this is how we speak normally, it's not the best way to write.

The beginning was also stiff and awkward to read. Maybe it was the fast paced telling of the story, or just because it was too much to take in at once. I'm not sure.

Also, the ending was a bit "...and the moral of the story is...". I'd... Show more

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