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Right In Two

Right In Two
Braeden is servant in Hell's Army called forth to spy on the enemy before a major battle. Ambitious to advance himself he eagerly accepts and heads out; what he finds will change him forever.

Heaven, Hell, Angels, Demons, Drama
Posts and Comments
Important Post
S.P. Johnson Jr.

I like the concepts you're working with here, and that you have the imagination to visualize a war on a transcendent level. This is well-written. Good job.

1 Comment
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Important Post

Plot-wise, this is original and quite unique, although somewhat difficult to follow at times. It probably needs re-reading a couple of times to really get your message.

Construction-wise, too many semi-colons where commas would have done just as well. Always follow dialogue with a comma rather than a period. No stand alone "He saids" please. Thoughts are more easily recognized if put in italics, but that is just my own... Show more

Important Post

Well written and well crafted fantasy

Big fantasy in a small story.

Important Post

You have a good story going on. However, I'd suggest making the thoughts in italics rather than in quotes, so it's not confusing to the reader.

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