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The Punishment

User: prandall
The Punishment
Third Place winner in the keenly contested Write Whatever You Want Contest at!
High school buddies embark on a road trip to Jasper National Park where they have an unexpected encounter with the local Mounties. You won't want to miss the world's slowest car chase, or the harrowing interrogation that follows. Lots of laughs and a bit of a surprise ending.

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Posts and Comments
Important Post
Deleted User

Great banter between best of friends. Being born and raised in the United States, thanks for the descriptions of some of Canada's wonders--and not so wonders--and cultural life, from education to law enforcement.

Good job disguising the end.


Important Post

What a fun read.
I've never had this kind of experience but your story made me feel as though I've now lived it.
I couldn't "see" the room the two characters were in nor the bar either. However, apart from that, you gave us excellent dialogue which rang very true. Nice exchange throughout the piece between what appears to have been two very close friends.
Thank you for sharing this with us. I look forward to your next work.

Important Post

I never did get into that sort of thing, but now I have insight as to why most of my friends were the way they were. Still, it's written well enough that I doubt it would be any funnier if I had relative experience. RCM has picked me up a couple times, but i never got a ticket in Canada. :-)
Technical tidbits.
Dialogue: 9 Nothing to add
Imagery: 7 (Great descriptions, but a couple times you lost me. Of course, seeing the world... Show more

Important Post

It entertained me. And isn't that what we're here for?

I liked the tone you used, of a youth out for a good time with his buddy. It came across exactly how it should have, and I enjoyed the opportunity to have a little giggle here and there at their boisterous antics.

I especially liked the 'high' part when he though Dave was such a great guy. It was really funny...and realistic as far as i know.

I would have liked something a... Show more

Important Post

This work was thought-provoking and Punishment mirrors what others are given for committing similar crimes. I was very impressed with the conversation between the two guys. Very realistic and I was able to put myself in any of the characters. The way you ended the work was humerous and so accurately real! Will continue to read your present and future works! :)

Important Post

so I took my break time to read your book.

You took me there. I was a bystander. Its because your dialogue is real. Your conflict is real. I think you did a fair amount of description but, if you would like to beef up your story that would be the only avenue to do so. It was humorous as you intended. I could imagine an entire books of short stories with what these two friends could get into!

Important Post

Okay Mary, I removed his uniform... I mean, his dress uniform. Well, I left some clothes on... wouldn't be proper, ya know us Canadians...

Important Post
Deleted User

Ok that was pretty awesome. Made me laugh a lot. Love your sense of humour.

Oh, and personally, I've never seen an RCMP officer driving around making arrests in full uniform... but you never know, right? :D

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