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The Horsemen

A Chase of Life and Death By:
User: RSantore
The Horsemen
The world is devastated. After nuclear war the land is lawless, and slavers roam the countryside looking for the unlucky. Once they decide on someone, they will never stop until they get them.

Sort of a "teaser" or an introduction to the series.


This Book is Part of a Series "The Broken Land"
All Books in this Series:
The Horsemen
A Chase of Life and Death
Free
The Frozen Wastes
Free
Posts and Comments
Important Post
Jay Babee

Overall, this is well written. You really know how to capture a scene and it was really easy to picture everything that was happening. Although, there were some places were a comma was missing, so don't forget to punctuate! And this:

"I got up and started off into the cold wind again the road was too dangerous, so I decided to walk through the Dead Forest"

Really needs some punctuation! Read it out loud and you'll probably see... Show more

3 Comments
RSantore

What do you mean by "second bit?"

Jay Babee

Like a sequel to this? You said this was the introduction so I thought there might be some more...

RSantore

Oh yeah, its my other book its a WIP right now though, at this point only a little longer than "The Horsemen."

Important Post
RSantore

Thanks for all the great feedback everyone! I assure you guys that I am building upon this world. I'm thinking of doing a bunch of little novellas that use this story as a prologue or, as RebeckDawn said, a teaser. So rest assured there's more in the making.

Important Post
angamonkey

So...why only 9 pages, you set up a pretty good story here. Be mindful of your tenses, some seem a bit inconsistent, but apart from that, I like the descriptions. I'd like to know why the horsemen speak Latin and how this post apocalyptic situation began.

Important Post
RebeckDawn

I think we're all agreeing that this should be longer - you've set up something like a teaser for an entire plot that we really want to learn more about - your writing is good and descriptive and exciting, but we want to know more about why the main character might become a slave and who these "Horsemen" are and why they're chasing him. Will you write more?

Important Post
theworldisonfire

I love this book! If only it was longer!! As I was reading I could imagine myself running from the men and throwing the money on the counters. Very well written!

Important Post
Adam Lewis LaValley

This is awesome! It's almost like a second Wild West, only slavery has set up a different twist. It's face-paced, and full of good shooting action. The ending is a great cliff hanger...! Please tell me it's not the end! 8O

3 Comments
theworldisonfire

Yes I totally agree.

Deleted User

Adam, I think that's the end. Where it pointed didn't bode well for him.

Well, Robert, you wrote an amazing 'too short' story. I would love to know more about the 'they', especially since they didn't speak his language.

RSantore

Well the next one will be in the POV of "Them" not the same "Them" of course, but a similar setting.

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