Nice story. I agree with the others about the spelling errors. Look at the book again and read it aloud, you'll find what needs to get fixed better if you do that. Also try not to repeat yourself. You have many words that need to be removed because they are repeated. :)
Look out for spacing issues, I know I've had those problems where if you're not careful when uploading my document looks fine in Word, but then all the paragraphs look very close together upon uploading. Be careful with redundancy in some of your sentences, but in all it's a very interesting story and with some minor editing details you have a good piece. Well done.