If I could wish for one thing, I’ll take a time machine, and tell you I love you, under the willow tree. If you give me a chance, I’ll cherish it forever and prove you that I love you like no other.
Those were my thoughts as she walked down the aisle, in the beautiful dress designed by me. Walking towards the man I’ve loved since I was seven. I looked down at the dress I was wearing and imagined me walking down the aisle just for a moment before forgetting that rubbish and hiding the tears that were spilling out. I couldn’t control them anymore. But I did. I pushed through and I watched. Through the part when they said the crap about objections, about the consent of the groom and bride. And the part they were pronounced husband and wife…and the damn kiss.
Then everyone walked up to congratulate them. And so did I, in a trance like state. His grin widened when he saw me and I gave a convincing smile which I hope fooled him. The happiness on his face was so good to look at. He was really happy and I have no intention of taking away that happiness. He deserved it more that anyone else in the world. I hugged him and whispered ‘congrats’ in his ear before secretly handing him an envelope with the instructions of ‘open later’. He was confused but accepted it. Then new guests came and I was forgotten as I deserved to be.
I then proceeded to walk out and run to my limo the moment he could not see me. I told the driver, “Let’s go home.”
I cried the whole way and he did not say a word. This was normal. I used to cry every time Alex got a girlfriend or kissed a girl in front of my eyes. I always wished that he could see that I loved him but he never did. So it was the most obvious thing in the world for my tears to fall.
By then, we reached my estate and I ran out of the limo and into my room and locked the door and sobbed. I was sobbing like my sister had died. I have never felt so much pain at one time before and it hurts. It hurts, Alex. Alex, Alex, Alex, I love you, Alex. But you'll never know, even in a million years.
Alex was all I ever had after being orphaned when my parents died in a car crash and my grandparents took me in. Then they died leaving me alone with Alex alone. I went to fashion school and soon became the world's most sought after fashion designer. But what's the use, when Alex is not mine anymore?
I could hear Alex sing, "Just close your eyes now, and fall asleep on me. Be assured I'll be here when you wake up. Cause I love you, just the way you are. And no one can come between us cause I love you too much."
I could feel myself falling into a deep sleep. Before that, I whispered, “Farewell my life, my Alex, my everything.”
Please open your eyes
and look at me
cause I want you to see me
I love you so much
so open your eyes, Fash
open your eyes
And I did, to see the worried looks of the servants, gardener and driver and doctor. But no Alex. Of course. How dumb of me to think he’ll be here, singing for me to wake up. And he calling me ‘Fash’ will never happen.
I mumbled out, “What happened?”
My best friend among them answered, “You were sleeping for two days straight, ma’am. We couldn’t wake you up no matter how hard we tried, so we played a recording of Alex singing…and you woke up.”
I see. That made sense. A lot of sense. Which meant I was almost in coma. And I would have died if not for Alex…but I would not have ended up like this either.
Then someone whispered, “Alex is on his way here…”
I screamed, “What?”
They looked scared and I softly said, “When will he reach?”
Someone said, “Right about now,” when the doorbell rang. Shit, Alex was here.
I opened the door to see both him and his wife there, both with worried looks which turned into relief. Alex grabbed me and gave me a tight hug and whispered, "I was so worried..."
I said, "I'm fine. It should be the nerves, that's all. Come in."
They came in and his wife gushed, "Oh my god! What a huge house, and you live alone?"
Alex chuckled, "Yup, she does. Something about her dream or something."
I felt hurt spread through my body. He used to remember the reason so well and now, it's just 'her dream or something'. I wobbled a bit but straightened out before anyone noticed and said, "Alex, go ahead and explore. I'll be back with drinks."
He smiled and gave me a thumbs up and I hurried to the kitchen and poured some lemonade into two glasses.
They had just made it to the library and Rachel, his wife, was marveling at the sight of it. I'll admit, it is a huge library and it was just the way I wanted it. I handed them the lemonade and she took a sip and said, "Wow, it's fantastic!"
I chuckled, "Thanks, but the recipe is a secret!"
I tried to act normal to prevent Alex from suspecting anything. And I've made up my mind.
I said, "Alex, I need to tell you something."
He asked, "What?"
I replied monotonously, "I'm leaving for Paris and I might not come back."
His eyes widened as the blow of words hit him, "What, what are you saying?"
I replied, my eyes downcast, "My decision is final. I'm not sure will I come back or not though."
Rachel just continued to prance around, not caring whether I stay or not. Alex said in an exasperated tone, "Something's wrong isn't it? You hate that stinking place! And the last time you went there you said the same things with the same voice you used just now. What are you trying to run away from?"
I almost screamed, "Yes, I'm running away and I might not return cause what I'm running away from cannot be changed forever! We can keep in touch through E-mails a nd we can call each other or SMS!"
He just asked one question, "What are you running away from?"
I looked at my feet, "Something worst than what I ran from the last time?"
He looked hurt now, "When have we started having secrets between us?"
I smiled at his while closing my eyes to prevent tears, "There never have been. The secret you're talking about has been around for 11 years, you've just never noticed."
He looked bewildered, "What are you talking about?"
I smiled sadly, "It doesn't matter anymore. All has been said and done. There's nothing left to it anymore."
He said softly, "Will you ever tell me about it?"
I looked at my feet, wishing I could, but I would never hurt him of all people like that, "No, I'm sorry, I just don't want to talk about it."
He asked, "Will you ever come back?"
I said, "I might not, since I'll be seeing what I'm running away from almost everyday."
He nodded. He called Rachel over and we said our goodbye. He hugged me tightly and I felt tears spring to my eyes.
I whispered in his ear, "I'll miss you."
He let go of me and as he was walking out with his bride, he turned to look at me with a painful expression and mouthed, "Don't go," before walking out of my estate."
Though tears rolled down my face and it hurts to see him being hurt, I will never change my mind.
I was creating a few collections. Everything was situated around Alex. I had once told him that there was someone special in my heart that my clothes always revolved around and when he asked who, I had replied that he'll know someday but he will never ever know now. I always imagined Alex and I walking down a park, both of us holding hands and laughing, me in a floral dress and him in his jeans and a T-shirt, and him suddenly leaning down and whispering in my year, "I love you."
I smiled at that thought. How ironic and stupid of me to have stood there like a statue while they got married and congratulate them after that when all I wanted was to stand by his side, as his wife. I made about ten floral dresses, each uniquely designed, each with my personal touch. I called it 'My First Date', after all, the fantasy in my mind would have been my first date. My second collection was a set of dresses were beautifully colourful yet painted with sadness, I could see it oozing out. Of course, being a professional and all, I masked it with happiness. There were also ten dresses in total. I used pale pink, pale blue, lavender, greyish-white, rose, greenish-blue, dull turquoise, pale red, beige and pale orange. They were great designs that will surely attract the crowd. I called this 'I Don't Know You Anymore'. It was true. I didn't know him anymore, after all, he has forgotten one thing very important to me, as though we've not met for ten years or so. I will not accept his wedding as his excuse.
Of course the last one was the best one. After all, 'save the best for last'. It's called 'Will You Come Back to Me?'. That's all I wish for, though it will never come true. My dreams will forever be dreams. My collection again had ten clothes and that was my favourite collection. My favourite one was this pale pink one with a turquoise belt in the middle with glitter on it to make it look more great than it already was. It was perfect for me. It would have been a thousand times better if he were by my side.
I was listening to Anna No Issho Datte No Ni by See-Saw, a Japanese song which described my situation perfectly. Even though we were together at that time, now we can't even get a word across. What fitting lyrics that describe my relationship with him so perfectly. How I love this song, so me.
I was avoiding Alex now. I stopped answering his calls and E-mails and, let's just say I miss him but I know this is for the best. But I listen to his voice mails over and over again, I couldn't help it. His sweet melodious voice charmed me and I've fallen for him all over again.
Too bad I'm too late to catch him now. I decided to take a walk around the city for relaxation. I walked around park after park just seeing lovers in each others arms and felt out of place. I was about to turn away when someone familiar caught my eye...Rachel.
And she wasn't alone. She was with Alex...wait...backtrack...that guy isn't Alex, Alex does not have blonde hair, he has brown hair! And they were...were...kissing.
I whipped up my cellphone and dialed Alex's number. He picked up on the first ring...like a desperate puppy.
I said, "Hello, Alex?"
He practically screamed, "Willow!!!"
I just asked directly, "Where is Rachel?"
He took a moment but replied, "She's is Sweden but she took a flight via Paris, why?"
I just said, "Thanks, I'll call you back later," and cut the call.
I approached those two and said icily, "Hi Rachel."
She gasped and whirled around and looked shocked to see me there. She just stood there gaping at me like and idiot for a minute or two before smirking.
"So my secret's out of the bag, huh," she said, sounding very much like slut.
I just asked, "Why would you ever cheat on him?"
She looked bored, "He's always talking about you, as though I'm just his friend and you're his wife. I'm tired."
I just whispered then, "If that's your reason, then I'll never speak to him ever again, I'll delete him from my contact list, just...don't...don't betray him like this...ever again," I ended with a sob.
She thought over it and said, "Fine. If you keep your promise, I'll keep mine. But tell me, why are you doing so much for him?"
I hid my face with my hair and said, "His life is too precious to be wasted."
She seemed to have accepted my explanation and then she immediately broke it off with the blonde-haired guy.
I turned and walked away, trying not to cry. When I reached my front door, I went in and slammed the door shut and sobbed and screamed.
I regret it...not telling him the truth. If I had told him the truth, none of this would have happened. He really wasted his life...marrying a worthless woman like her.
After crying and screaming like a banshee, I curled up in bed and cried myself to sleep. What else could I do, call Alex and tell him that the woman he fell in love with is a cheating s***?
I also did another thing that broke my heart into a million pieces-I deleted Alex's handphone number, but it's no use, I've memorised it by heart. Hell, I could probably recite it anytime if someone asked me. But a promise is a promise and I keep my promises.
The next morning, I just stared at the dress, the pale pink one that I liked. If only Alex were here, I would have worn it and he'd tell me I'm gorgeous and he'd grab my hands and we'd dance around the room together, laughing in our own world full of joy and overflowing happiness, too bad fate would never let that be, would it?
Then the phone started ringing. It distracted me from my fantasies. It was Rachel. I said dryly," Hello," only to be greeted by her cries of pain.
Only one word echoed over and over again.
Tears were streaming down my face as I rushed to the airport and I hurried the pilot to fly back to my hometown. I felt guilty since it was probably my fault. I should have continued talking to him. Now my sin has probably caused him his life.There has been an accident. And he has been badly injured.
How mean can the good Lord be? Just as I was getting over him, he had to get into an accident and worry me so.
I dashed through the hospital and gasped to see the wailing figure of Rachel. A nurse was talking to her rapidly and she looked like she was in trouble and I rushed over to help her.
The nurse asked me,"Who are you?" I lied to her and said that I was his sister. She then asked me what my blood group was and the moment I said A-negative, she grabbed my hand and we were sprinting.
The doctor explained to me everything. I understood the risks but it does not matter. I replied, "I'll do this a thousand times over if it means to save Alex's life."
The doctor appeared stunned and gasped out, "Why?"
A single tear rolled down my face as I smiled, "Cause I love him, he is my baby brother after all."
And as I felt my consciousness slip away and sleep creep upo me, I only thought, "I love you Alex, always have and always will. Please be alright. Love you, my dearest Alex." And I hoped with all my heart he received the message for he might never see me ever again.
It was pitch black. Someone was weeping, weeping bitterly till my blouse was wet. I tried to open my eyes but a sharp pain prevented me from doing so. I tried groaning and the sobbing stopped, so I guess I made some noise, go girl! And I opened my eyes and ignored the freaking pain to see who was the kind soul that was crying by my side. But instead, all I saw was...... a blinding light.
Then I saw a shadow. I blinked and realised it was Alex. I tried to get up and Alex propped up the pillows for me. That sweet charmer, though it does bring pleasant memories...
"Alex, get down from the tree!" I shrieked, worried that he'd fall down and break something. He ignored me and reached for a bunch of berries and he lost his footing...he was falling.
"Aleeeeeeeeeex!" I rushed forward and cushioned his fall...god he's heavy. I smiled and whispered, "You're heavy, you big oaf," before passing out.
When I came to, Alex was hugging me tightly and apologising while I laughed it off, "I'm fine as long as you are, Alex...my Alex buddy."
History repeats itself, cause the same thing happened once again, just in a larger scale. His face was buried in my stomach and his arms encircled my waist and tears were pouring out of his eyes. I chuckled and leaned down and hugged his as tightly as I could and was engulfed by his sweet scent of peppermints. How I missed his scent,bis touch? And now the boy I wished,no no no, yearned for was finally in my arms, though not how I wanted him to be. He should be smiling that irresistible smile of his,not weeping like this.
I grabbed his face and forced him to look at me. There were eye bags under his eyes, ones that were not there. I just smiled sadly and whispered while tracing his face, "You look so tired Al, go get some rest, sleep on my lap if you like." Alex loved sleeping on my lap, he once said it was comfier thana satin cushion.
He barked out an emotionless laugh, "I've been a fool, haven't I? You've always looked out for me, taken care of me, loved me, but I never noticed at all! Now that I almost lost you, I see everything clearly!..."
He continued his rambles in misery but all I could do was stare at him in atmost shock...Al? I grabbed him and forced him to look at me, "Alex, Alex! It is not your fault, you got that! None of it is yours, so stop blaming yourself!"
When he was finally silent, I realised the awkward position we were him. His face was between my hands and my face was very near his. I blushed at the closeness and something very unexpected happened. Let me emphasise the point-extremely unexpected happened.
He cupped my face in his hands and pressed his lips against mine.
I was shocked...he kissed me...Alex kissed...the thought itself was foreign...but it actually happened.
Soon I was moving against his and experiencing pure ecstasy. Then his next words literally stopped my heart.
"Willow, will you marry me?"
"Willow, will you marry me?"
Oh god, oh god, oh my goddess! Did Alex just ask me that question that I replied yes to so many times in my dreams? Lord, if this is a dream, I'll kill myself. I pinched myself thrice to make sure this wasn't a dream, with Alex staring at me with that dumbfounded expression of his.
I whispered out a yes, so softly that I was unsure if I had said that out loud. But Alex's irresistible smile and kiss answered my question. Then I asked him a question which had been on my mind for a while, "What about Rachel?"
His smile turned grim as he proceeded to tell me that while I had been out for two weeks, Rachel had confessed to have never loved Alex and abouther cheating. It appears that even the wicked witch of the west has a conscience. They were divorced now. And it happens that my servants had told him about my love, guess I owe them now.
And then he took out a pair of rings, unexpectedly, it appears our marriage would be in an hospital. Our sole vow was, "Together shall we be, till the end of eternity." And we sealed the deal with a kiss. And for a moment, I saw ourselves, me in a mesmerizing white gown and him in the tuxedo made just for him. Hundreds of people looking at us with awe. Me being mesmerized by those eyes of his, the kiss to seal. I saw it all and by the looks of it, Alex saw it too.
I was finally in my happy place, in my heaven.
Alex and I are having a fantastic time in our happy place. We have two children, twins actually, Jamie and Karrie. They are as sweet as us, as caring as us and as naughty as us.
I intoduced the world to my darling husband during the fashion runway for my new collection which was well-received by the people. When I told Alex that he was the one that I had dedicated all my collections, he was somewhat angry on himself for not realising but we got through it together.
And for your information, I did wear the dress I liked to our first date after the wedding. :):):)
~I hoped you enjoyed it!~
Publication Date: 01-23-2012
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