Cover

Table of Contents

 

Poetry

 

Losing Myself

Paroxysms

Baby 

Bluebird

The Next to Burn

How Does it Feel?

The Coming Dust (A Tribute to the Dust Bowl)

Silence

The Vacancy

An Ugly Transformation

Seasons I (Eyes)

Seasons II Summer

America

A Night Without SLumber

Never All for Naught

Another Soul Departed

What's Really Going On

The Forbidden

Anchored

The Darkest Side

 Time's Lonely Rhythm

Love's Dangerous Ledge

 The Gathering Storm

Drive Me Wild

What I Used to Think Was the Meaning of Love

Losing Myself

I am the sky, wide and free

Spanning a breadth so broad

That though you may try

You can never span

The depth between my hands.

 

I am the wind, the lonely wind

Blowing over the plains.

Gusting o'er the mountain tops, the grassy hills

And playing with your hair. 

 

I am the rain, the gentle rain

Falling again and again

My tears, they fall,

They fall on you

As you stand, crying in the rain.

 

I am the moon, the soulful moon

Shedding no light of my own

For though I may stand as

A dependable friend

My dark side will be obscured.

 

I am a star, one in infinity

I've watched years fly

As many have died and I

Burn on in agony.

 

I am gone, without a trace

Search for me you may

For though I've lived-

 

-Shone for you-

-Burned for you-

-Cried for you-

 

There's nothing more I can do.

 

I've lost myself,

O'er the years.

Lost my depth, my touch.

Lost my love, burning, passion

Lost it all on you.

 

I've lost my self-

 

Lost my identity

For though I am here

I've disappeared

And no one will replace me.

Paroxysms

 

The quiet of morning

The falseness of lies

The forgetful nature of man

The silence that enclosed us

Is broken by the paroxysms in me caused by you

 

It all is shattered by your step

Though delicate it may be,

My emotions will run strong

 

And I never would have guessed the

Fact that we were meant to see

The day in which

Our love was to be saved

By a simple plea

 

And that all the time we gave

The letters we sent

The time on the phone

That it will all pay back one day

And safely you'll come home

Away from the paroxysms of war.

 

 

Baby

 

Eyes staring up at me

Blue as the spacious sky above

The dark hair like the bare grass of winter below

And a smile like a mountain, strong and beautiful

Yet innocent and soft.

 

This child, her fingers, so small and fragile

Her toes are just the same

I wonder if I was ever so small

And when I was, did anyone

Ponder upon the wonder of me?

Bluebird

Bluebird

 

Silently swooping through the skies

Singing his sweet melody

As we sit here, you and I

 

His feathers unruffled, majestic his song

He, such a symbol of freedom

As we're jailed in the throng

 

The flowers bow down

As he lights on their heads

He is the king; they won't deny him his crown

 

His freedom we crave

As we're trapped

By day, work, and night.

The Next to Burn

In memory of those so cruelly subjected to

concentration camps during WWII

 

Dark clouds scudding across my sky

Dark light in my eyes

I wonder if I’ll ever find home

I wonder if I’ll ever be free

 

These walls that enclose me

They seem to press in

I’ve never felt so afraid

I’ve never felt so alone

 

The roll calls

The heartless smiles

As dear friends and relatives are led to their deaths

And I stand, clinging to the barbed wire

Fence that is so high, I could never scale it.

 

Yet there are thousands

In my situation

Yearning for every trial

They’ve already faced

To come back and haunt them

And get them out of This

Because anything, anything

Any remembrance is better than This

 

I’ve realized that I cannot live much longer

Under this despotic tyranny

And when I die, these words die too

On my lips

Oh, how I longed to be free

 

But I’m still alive, to be sure

At least now I can still recollect

The joys that we used to share with ourselves

Before the war burst through

 

The war that has confined us to places unknown

To civil humankind

To places where the hooked black cross rules,

And the fear that fills our minds

Is that we may be the next to burn.

How Does it Feel?

 

How does it feel to lose a love that was never gained?

To cry simply from a lack of tears within

How does it feel to be torn in half by two you love?

Or to cry out from lack of physical pain,

Because inside you're screaming,

But you mask it with a grin.

This facade you've been using consists of

Nothing but empty smiles

While inside you are chained.

 

How does it feel to go to extremes

Only to find out that what you are

Searching for is unattainable

How does it feel to know happiness

Only in dreams

Because you don't see joy as claimable.

 

How does it feel to know you're alone

And that no one is by your side

To spend years searching

For unattainable perfection

That is more fleeting than the wind.

 

How does it feel to be overwhelmed with guilt

Over a trifle

The nagging feeling, more persistant than any other emotion

More persistant than the sun on a sweltering day

With no clouds to obstruct the devious ray.

 

How does it feel to chase perfection

When perfection itself stares you in the face

How does it feel to chase affection

When affection will always win in the race

 

How does it feel to know there's plenty

But be in need, cowering in fear.

 

How does it feel to be so close,

Yet so far away

From what you've been wishing for.

As time keeps stretching it's elastic band

Around you as you're wrapped in misery.

 

How does it feel to know perfection

But to lose it straight away

To hide in fear, to avoid detection

Of the frequent tears on your face

How does it feel to win,

To lose, to love, to hate

The emotions we feel as

We discover our fate.

The Coming Dust (A Tribute to the Dust Bowl)

 

The coming dust, the black blizzard
     The glowing lights of home;

The remembrance of days long gone

With sky overhead

And grass below

And clear, living, alive air

 

The scouring grit

In my lungs

My nose

My mouth

Gritting my teeth against the grit

Of the dust that fills me

 

The storm a-brewing

The day as midnight

The once blue sky black as night

The remembrance of better days

Makes the storm all the more

Bitter

 

As I cower, in the buffalo grass, in fear.

Silence

 

Silence

A place in which to revel

To dream, to hope

And to condemn

The place in which evil is conceived

The plotting of other's demise

The place in which they self-condemn

And they hang their heads in  shame

 

But me?

In the silence I dream

I remember other times

When silence was a wished for thing

And no one plotted demise

A place in which we all could dream

Together all as one

A place in which we all could live

Together, harmonized

 

The Vacancy

 

Staring out the window

The empty chair below

The wood cracked with age

The wicker torn

The vacancy in my heart

Swells with every passing glance

Upon the empty chair

Upon which used to sit

My fate.

 

 But all that's left

 Is shattered dreams

 And fear, cold smiles, and tears.

 The moon reflects my dispair

 And the sky reflects my shame

 The wind outside howls around the house

 Where I stand before an empty chair

 And an empty life

 And an empty dream. 

An Ugly Transformation

This was an excercise that we did during a SWAT (Student Writers and Artists Together) meeting.  We looked at a picture and just wrote.  It is a very "compelling" way to write.

 

His eyes black as night

His pale skin white with leprosy

Shrouded by a dirty, unwashed beard and fiery red hair

His glance is sinister

His gaze dejected

The demons inside of him

Begging to be free

The torment he endures being himself

How they laughed at him,

Cursed at him, broke his hard heart

How they hurt him, why don't they see

That in the pursuit of his downfall

They've become what he is.

Seasons I (Eyes)

 

Open eyes

Observant they are

All they can they see

Functioning, magnificent

Staring up at me.

 

Bright eyes

Lovely they are

All they can they see

Beautiful, innocent

Staring up at me.

 

Faithful eyes

Tearful they are

All they can they see

Honest, mature, kindly

Staring back at me.

 

Remembering eyes

Thoughtful - yes they are

All they can they see

Sweet and reminiscent

Staring back at me.

Seasons II "Summer"

 

Summer never was so sweet

As when the sky rained honey

On you and I.

When we were together,

And the rain was gentle,

And the breeze was soft.

When you and I was,

Collectively, us.

When we could call on

Time as not mattering,

When all was perfection.

When we loved all

And all could love us.

Before the dawn set,

And twilight awoke.

When all was perfection,

When the day was still young.

America

How we began was different than most

Oppressed and anxious, our voices stifled

Under the despotic tread of a tyrant

Little of anything had we to boast

We chaged; our desiderium, to the king, was a trifle

Fighting back, was our last course

Reconciliation's rays of hope were gone

In the bitter end, freedom came as the dawn.

After the black of night of war and remorse.

Our own country we became at last;

Moving on, we tucked away the past.

Yet, segregation against fellow creature

Caused the nation to be rent apart

By simple hue and callous hearts.

Shall the war-wounds forever be

Black on the page of history

A bloody, gruesome, rugged feature.

Persons came, people went

Time progressed; poverty wealth, and sentiment.

World Wars engulfed and encumbered

While the scrupulous founding fathers slumbered.

Time progressed, morals waned.

Their slow death did not cause us pain.

What has happened to our valient nation?

No longer can we be valued

As a high and mighty world power

When the morals we portray

Are disregard, unloyalty and frustration.

A friend has become an exquisitely rare flower.

Yet, some steadfast few remain.

We fought for our freedom, we fought for our rights.

Out strength is not measured by military power.

It is measured by the valor we portray in fights

And yet we can still rekindle the flame

And the time we lost we can still regain.

A Night Without Slumber

Outside, the sind screams an angry sort of song

Inside, I've no dreams; oh, the night seems so long.

Listlessly, I stare into the void of my dark room.

"Bury me now," I cry, "Let this be my lonely tomb!"

Thoughts race through my empty mind

Of fate and fortune that I will never find.

A night without slumber, lonely and bare,

Taxes the courage, multiplies the cares.

Never all for Naught

A cry in the black of night-

A howl of dispair-

Originated in the deepest, most hidden,

Places in my soul.

 

Those tears I've cried won't matter

The shame I've born will burden me no more.

For time will press a heavy hand, 

On those places in my soul.

 

The time I've dedicated - all those hours

The tears I cried for you

For they were never cried in vain.

They alleviated your inner pain.

 

I am worn, careworn,

Broken in mind and soul.

For that I have ever loved

Is shattered on the ground.

 

And yet, oh yet, a light still shines 

For you on your horizon.

Take the light; claim the sun!

Dear friend, it was never all for naught!

Another Soul Departed

As a child of eight

I was innocent,

Sheltered from the terrors of death.

I was oblivious to it, 

Yet it surrounded me.

 

For my mother's father's mother

Lived in a nursing home.

As a joyous child of eight,

I was loved by the residents there.

One particular lady, temperamentally sweet, 

Became my very dear friend.

 

Though I may try,

To reach back into the depths of my memory,

I cannot remember her name.  

She would smile at me,

Talk to me, push her walker playfully after me,

Until she was gone.

 

She was weak, yet sweet and optimistic.

A year had passed, I wondered where she was.

I searched, she was gone, another soul departed.

I inquired, she was gone, a sweet soul, another soul departed.

What's Really Going On

What really goes on inside my brain -

Sometimes I think I'm the only one who can't refrain

From shedding some tears every now and then.

Often, I feel like it's all crashing down.

It's like every day, raining on the sun.

I can't see the light through the drops pouring down.

What really goes on, inside my head

No one but me would understand.

I'm all alone, so far from land.

Does nobody seem to know what it's like to be lonely?

In what really goes on...

Nobody but me can feel the pain -

The shame of being me.

I only see the dark when the sun is shining.

I only feel the rain when the love is falling.

I wonder when I'll meet 

Someone who can figure out what's going on.

I put on my facade like there's no tomorrow.

I try to forget the angry scars.

I know what's going, but I'll never tell.

And all the doors have closed

The light is gone.

I can't see in front of me,

I don't know who I am.

I can't see

I can't breathe

But I know someday I shall find someone somewhere

Who will hold my hand when I feel scared.

Who knows what's really going on

Inside my puzzled brain.

Who can understand the shame and pain of just being me,

Who really knows what's going on.

The Forbidden

A tragedy is love forbidden

Stifled beneath apprehension

By fear and panic they are driven

Struggling to breathe under tension

Striving to keep love alive

Barely seeing, they dream and sigh.

 

The shadows all around 

The impending darkness

Gathers like a crowd

Around the two, round each other clasped

Their forbidden love seemed out of grasp

 

The storm that's coming can break the bonds of love

Their forbidden love - 

Sweet, yet bitter

Lovely, yet dark

Fulfilling, but empty

Their forbidden love

Though pure and righteous

Still may not withstand 

The flood, though they yearn fiercely for this love.

Anchored

 

Anchored to you I am.

Anchored to you I will always be.

Anchored to you is how I live,

Anchored in perfect harmony.

 

Fairy tale love is overrated.

That's okay, I never tried to decide.

This love we have, it'll never be outdated.

Because this anchor of us will hold.

 

I love being anchored to you,

Because you are strong,

You have a will.

And I am as flighty as the wind.

 

My life revolves around this anchor;

It's my source of life.

You mean more than the sky to me, 

For you are my every breath.

 

And though I may drown in this never-ending ocean,

I know that I am safe.

For while the waves around us may crash,

I am anchored to you, 

 

Anchored to the love of my life.

The Darkest Side

 

The night, alas, draws nigh

Outside, the trees softly sigh,

For the heavy wind bends them to the ground.

And I lie, inside, my mind in chains.

 

The qualms I have are many;

The fears I have control me.

They antagonize me day and night.

And I am much too weak to fight.

 

Spring has melted into summer's heat;

Summer has solidified into fall,

And now, fall is slowly turning, 

Ushering us into winter's frozen hall. 

 

The cold of winter, like the heart of him who betrayed me.

The fear of summer, when he will return,

Prepared to reclaim me.

He is like an evil tide, returning yet and again.

 

I hide, I shrink in fear, I cower

In anticipation of the day of his approaching.

I wait, I wish for his redemption,

But I know that I may as well

Blow kisses into the wind.  

 

This one I speak of, 

A dark and bitter side,

Hidden within the hearts of many

For from themselves they cannot hide.

 

Yet, perchance, the tide may turn.

Though perhaps in a million years.

This hidden man may recompense

For the fear he has instilled.

And turn the tide, and change my fate,

And become my other half. 

Time's Lonely Rhythm

 

Oh, how time, ever does slowly progress!

Loping, never wavering, through the void of space,

And we, as lonely beings do forever acquiesce

The things that we cannot efface.

 

Take, for instance, the glorious sun - 

How it slowly climbs the Everest peak,

Crests the top and hangs, suspended in the sky, 

Until slowly, it inches its way back down to earth,

Glissades into the foothills, slips into the depths, 

Until it is only to be found somewhere on the other side of the world.

 

Time is like the sun, 

Slowly creeping onward,

Slipping away, yet quickly approaching,

Bounding towards infinity.

 

Time is inexplicable in its complex self.

For though we try, we may never fathom,

Its power over humankind,

As it slowly beats out its lonely rhythm.

Love's Dangerous Ledge

Love as deep as a bottomless chasm -

Beware of where you tread.

Love as dark as an underground cavern -

Some things are better left unsaid.

Beware of what you let them know,

Of what you let them hear.

For though it is said in innocence,

Someday they will make you fear.

If you tread near the edge,

You are certain to fall,

Your 'lover' will make sure of it.

For though you may laugh,

Their motive is sinister,

Your heart will be split in half.

For they are unafraid of what you ever may think,

And that, dear friend, is the most dangerous thing,

When, of Love's ledge, you stand on the brink.

 

The Gathering Storm

Black clouds, scudding across the bright sky -

A sign of the gathering storm.

The crease of your brow and the dampness of your eyes -

A sign of the gathering storm.

The quivering lips as you utter your latest lie -

I'm fine,

You say, all too fine.

Yet, no, we can see all too deep

We can see all of the way down.

We know of the pain which makes you weep,

And of the qualms which make you quiver.

They are all too apparent in the wistful way that you blink those lovely eyes.

The way that you keep to yourself,

The way that bright lemon drops, oh so bitter,

Gather in your blue eyes, and make them the sea foam green

Of ocean water right after a storm. 

The Gathering Storm, oh how it is so apparent,

That while you're fighting the fears,

You're fighting Yourself.

Drive Me Wild

 

I nearly drive myself wild sometimes.

 

I overanalyze, I overrationalize, 

I simply think too much.

I'm not perfect;

I make so many mistakes.

When I need to think, consider,

I don't.

I blurt things out too often,

Things that I would never say,

If I had stopped to think.

 

But you overlook all of that.

 

From my first glance,

You drove me wild.

The way you smile, 

The way that you reassure me that everything is okay.

The way that you care so deeply about everything that bothers me.

the way that you listen when I feel as if no one else cares enough to.

The way that I can always count on your love, despite any circumstances.

 

When you smile at me, your dimples creasing in your cheeks,

I know that everything that I've ever said or done will never make you stop loving me.

You love me for who I am, not for what I've been.

You love me because I am beautiful.

Your love has taken me from the lowest of the low,

And placed me upon the highest mountain.

Your love has taken my broken wings,

And taught me how to soar again.

You have taught me that however irrational and uncalled for I can be,

You'll still love me.

 

And you drive me wild.

What I Used to Think Was the Meaning of Love

 I used to think that finding love

Was finding someone to hold your hand.

I used to think that they loved you, no matter what.

I used to think that they would walk the shores of death and sickness with you,

Calm your fears, and dry your tears.

I used to think that some people were just plain lucky,

Finding love right away and keeping it, like a locket,

For their whole lives long.

I used to think that love was perfect.

 

Now I know that love isn't finding someone to hold your hand;

It's discovering someone who leads you by the hand.

I know that they'll love you, forever, no matter what.

I know that they won't just walk the shores of death and sickness with you, 

They'll plunge into the dark and stormy waters.

They calm your fears, wipe away your salty tears.

Some people aren't just plain lucky -

Finding love right away and keeping it, like a locket,

For their whole lives long - 

They've just been placed within something a little bigger than themselves.

This something, something that's bigger than lust, than small-town flings, than broken hearts,

This something must be perfect.

This something must be true love.

Imprint

Text: Ana Suzanne W.
Images: Bookrix
Editing: Ana Suzanne W.
Translation: none
Publication Date: 03-27-2014

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
To everything and everyone that inspires me. You are my heroes. Thank you.

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