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Hi Shawn,

I think you have a good balance between exposition and action. Your use of description and dialogue are well balanced too.

Your opening was interesting, the way you framed the distance of the acorn away from them (a few hops away). A good hook in that I'm wondering what the characters are as it would be very unusual for humans to consider hopping to something when they can simply walk or run. You've started with a... Show more

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Deleted User

An excellent story. Good luck with the contest.

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A Very Good Read! Look forward to reading your other work.

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Thank you for participating in our
fiction writing contest "My Best Fiction".

BookRix - your place to read, write and
network free literature on the Internet.

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Thanks. I appreciate the compliment. What do you think needs worked on in the story? I'm trying to fix it up.

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That was written really well. Loved it!

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I enjoyed reading this book, I was always wondering what was going to happen next. I'm proud of you son, love you